Broken Promises
by rainypurr
Summary: After having a minor lapse in self-control, Sebastian makes a promise to himself that he later on realizes he cannot keep - but then again, maybe some promises were meant to be broken. Sebaciel/SebastianxCiel.


Ciel Phantomhive's life had forever been altered on that stormy, horrible night that seemed both so close and so far from the present. I had been an unseen spectator for quite some time before deciding to make myself known to that tiny little creature; sitting on it's knees, hand reaching out desperately for salvation (and doom) through the rusty bars of the cage that he had been dwelling in for the past few weeks. I had given him my hand to hold and he had gripped onto it with all the strength that his malnourished little form could muster. It had been laughable really - seeing as I could have so easily ripped my hand from his and abandoned him; left the child to rot - just another easily forgotten victim to the many horrors of humanity. Maybe I would have, had the scent rolling off of him not been so absolutely mouth-watering and my stomach so very empty. Instead the boy had ended up in my arms, shaking violently against my frame as I carried him out and away from his suffering.

I had watched him as he slept that first night, watched him twist and turn as he whimpered and shrieked into the empty darkness. It hadn't taken long for him to wake; crying and shivering as he held a pillow against his frail and abused form. So utterly pathetic. He was covered head to toe in bruises and cuts that contrasted aggressively to the pale white of his skin; most of them would fade away later on, though the brand was obviously there to stay. He was unaware of my presence until I spoke out to ask him if there was something I could do for him. He had jumped at the sudden sound and then relaxed - shaking his head. I felt something akin to pity for the boy, seeing the panic and fear in his large, innocent eyes. "Are you sure?" I asked him again.

I received no answer from the child and took it as a sign that he wished for me to leave. "Then I will retire, my lord. Good ni-" Suddenly he spoke - interrupting me franticly. "No, wait Sebastian! Stay. Stay until I fall asleep". His voice had broken twice as he spoke and though I may have little patience for coddling tiny humans, I could not deny his desperate plea. I stayed until he had fallen asleep once more and then left silently. He did not wake again that night and I found myself wondering what it was that he dreamt of - if anything at all, now that his nightmares had ceased.

Ciel was continuously tormented by his night terrors even after months had passed since they had been a reality. I was unfazed - for a while at least, but as time passed, the realization that his screams could quite possibly last forever began to fill me with a foreign sense of heaviness - maybe even powerlessness. It was somewhat of a blow to my pride to be put into a situation where I was unable. On one occasion had the heaviness caused by the young lord's screams been so unbearable that I had resulted to well, shall we say _less_ respectable tactics to soothe him (and myself). It hadn't been my intention to do what I did - it simply happened and though I may be a demon, I cannot change what has been done.

It happened half a year after I had been employed by the child. Sometime after midnight, while I was planning the little lord's schedule for the morning, his wails had filled my ears. I had done my best to ignored the noise for almost an hour before finally giving up and heading towards his bed chambers. I knocked on the door, hoping to wake him with the gentle taps. The crying continued and I carefully opened the door to see him; he was curled in fetal position with his tearstained pillow clutched against himself.

The now familiar heaviness had crept upon me with such force that I went to him and reached out to touch the boy before I could even make up my mind to do so. I stroked his silky head of hair gingerly and it seemed to calm him a bit, though the whimpering continued. He mumbled something that could have been a praise or a plea and leaned in closer to my palm; my lips turned upwards at the thought of how embarrassed he would surely be to know of his actions. Once he had settled into a peaceful slumber and I was pleased with the rhythm of his breathing, I had (somewhat reluctantly) unthreaded my fingers from his dark locks and headed for the door.

Then, there had been a whimper and a cry; from the drowsy depths of sleep the child's voice sounded.

"P-please". His voice was nearly inaudible and would have gone unheard by the ears of any human. I waited for a moment - hand on the doorknob - waited to see if the little lord would call out again. The sound of quiet sniffling cut through the silence and suddenly, the young lord sat up - arms stretched out in front of him as if in desperate search of something. I called out to him but he did not acknowledge the sound; he was still asleep. With a _thump_ , his arms dropped to his sides and he sat perfectly still; lips parted and eyebrows furrowed slightly. "D-don't l-leave me. Oh please! P-Please... Please! Please!". He was bawling suddenly, face drenched with tears and shoulders heaving as his fragile arms shot out in front of him again.

The strong scent of salty tears infiltrated my nose and through our bond, I felt the boy's agonizing pain and fear rip through my very core; it had little effect on me, though I nonetheless understood the severity of such a burden upon the shoulders of a mortal child; the heaviness returned, suffocating me with its presence. I had stood there, dumbstruck for a moment as I wondered wether it had been the sudden absence of _my_ touch that had provoked such a dramatic reaction from my young lord. My eyes flared greedily for a fragment of a second as the pleasing thought of my young master wanting my touch filled me with possessive glee. But all pleasure had been cut short when the boy released yet another pained sob.

The abrupt noise pulled me towards him, made me pull him towards me, and I found myself holding him possessively against my form with my eyes shut; feeling that though he did not wake, his skinny arms came up to coil themselves around my neck. He was so very _warm_ , so _soft_ and his body molded perfectly into my embrace; everything about him was dangerously intoxicating. I pulled him closer - inhaling his scent as he nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck. His muffled cries began to fade - first turning into whimpers, then heavy sighs and finally, his breathing began to slow.

Now, this would have been the logical point in time for me to let go of my little contractor but, unfortunately frivolous concepts such as logic had long since flown out of the window. I was far too busy observing the sleeping creature resting atop my thighs - watching how his tiny chest would rise and fall with every breath that slipped past soft pouty lips. _So foolish, so beautiful_ ; finding solace in the arms of a demon. Not that he could be blamed for such foolishness - he was first and foremost a child and besides that, he had little reason to turn to any god ever again - not after all the things that they had forced him to endure.

It was not until many minutes later that I returned to my senses and was made uncomfortably aware of my actions. I had never before felt so shamefully weak; curled up with the tiny human brat that was no more than a meal as if he meant something more to me. What was I thinking? Oh, and just imagine had the little tyrant woken up! He would most likely slap me and call me a disgusting pervert (and he wouldn't be wrong); he would surely never let me forget my little indiscretion. I immediately straightened myself to rest him once again onto the vast sea of silken sheets and pillows on his bed. I stared angrily down at the slumbering thing - as if he were to blame for this- before (quietly) marching out of his room, closing the door behind me and returning to my own quarters.

One of the many things that I promised myself during the early stages of my contract with Ciel was that I would never again give in to such foolish urges. That I would not allow myself to want to hold the boy for the purpose of comforting him and that I would most certainly not continue to cling to the boy long after he had been calmed. I would rather plug my ears and feign ignorance to his suffering than allow myself to stoop so low ever again. It was none of my business, anyway!

Now, this had seemed a relatively simple task at the time but _oh, how the times have changed!_ What I had thought to be pity for the minuscule brat turned out to be something a bit more complicated - and to be honest, I have yet to sort out what it is that I am feeling but, for the time being, it doesn't matter. I kept my promise for nearly three whole years before I had another lapse in self control - though in my defense, I would like to say that the circumstances were entirely different and Ciel was very much aware and _quite_ enthusiastically participating. That second lapse had been more about creating whimpers, screams and moans rather than silencing them - though at times the former was necessary for the sake of the young earl's reputation.

There have been many more … lapses, so to speak, since then and I don't imagine that I shall ever find (or want) the strength to discontinue them. Besides, it's really not as unprofessional as one might think - I mean, are not mutually beneficial arrangements all the rage? Ciel is no longer kept awake late at night by nightmares - though I am in no way implying that he is not kept awake - and our bond has grown to be a whole lot stronger than I had ever imagined. So, all in all, I think that these small.. slip-ups can be dismissed. Oh well, regardless, _I have come to believe that some promises were meant to be broken._

The End


End file.
